We had a small graduating class so I had a minute to give a speech:
"Thanks for nothing students, you all pretty much smelled your own farts and climbed all over each other to get to the top. But a wise man, that is to say me, once said of over-achievers: ‘The tallest blades of grass are the first to be cut down by the lawn mower of fate.’ Enjoy your time in the sun, pretty soon reality will be a stale bedmate. Anyways I’d like to thank the teachers for working with us for making this possible, I’d like to thank the homeless outside the McDonalds for hanging out with me while I waited to be picked up by my mother, and once again before I head off with my diploma, I’d like to offer a big SCREW YOU to all the other students.
Thank you Class of 2008, we did it. Eat my piss and Happy Graduation.”
Yes, I really read it.